Lobster Report (just for fun)

My fellow crustaceans, We face one of the most serious problems in the history of civilization, and our government is covering it up. I speak about alien invasion by creatures from the sky. You may laugh, but this invasion is real. We find almost daily evidence of lobster mutilation and crab abduction, yet the government continues to insist that aliens do not exist, and besides, it would take them millions of years to get here, even if they did exist.  They are simply burying their heads in the sand and ignoring the vast mountains of evidence for alien invasion.

 Hundreds of sightings of strange metal craft hovering above come into my hotline every month. Nobody knows what kind of propulsion system these craft employ, but they do perform amazing hydrodynamic maneuvers before our very eyes. We could never achieve such stunts, and even if we did, our pilots would surely die from being tossed around inside the ship.

 We even have some photographs of these strange aerial craft, admittedly out of focus, but clearly showing metallic craft of roughly ovoid shape, one end being flat with fan-shaped thrusters and the other end being more narrow and pointed.

 Those who have encountered the inhabitants of these craft and managed to return report that the aliens have pink skin, or sometimes brown skin, and that they lack any sort of exoskeleton. Instead their bodies are covered with soft, flowing substances which must be the vestigial remnants of ancestral exoskeletons. These substances come in a variety of colors and patterns, suggesting that the aliens belong to separate communities, if not separate species. They must have evolved to carry their skeletons inside their soft bodies, although our scientists can see no evolutionary advantage to s uch a mutation.

 These evil aliens invade our world on a daily basis, abducting our citizens and the fish who share these waters with us. In some cases, a citizen loses a claw or a bit of skin but otherwise escapes the predation engaged in by these evil invaders.

 We must demand that the government release all information about this phenomenon, and that our defensive forces put a stop to the abduction of fish and crustaceans. ~~~